Cool Girls Take Breaks

The 2026 Winter Olympics have been a welcome injection of joy into an otherwise brutal winter. Maybe it’s the pleasure of watching people meet winter on its own terms. Maybe it’s the relief of witnessing excellence in an era that often feels defined by its absence. Maybe it’s just good television.

“Breaks can do wonders for you.”

Like much of the world, I’ve been captivated by Alyssa Liu. She’s got piercings and hair art. She steps off the ice and yells, “that’s what I’m f*cking talking about!” and then giggles with her teammates about Netflix. But more than that, she’s a masterclass in boundaries—not rigid walls, but rhythms she sets herself.

She’s spoken openly about her burnout, and the self-abandonment that came with it. Her food, her clothes, her routines—none of it belonged to her anymore. So she quit. She went to college. She traveled. She built a self that existed beyond skating.

And then, one day, skiing with friends, she felt joy again. She came back. After winning gold, when commentators begged her not to retire again, she smiled and said, “Oh, I will definitely retire again.” She later called quitting one of the best decisions she’s ever made.

Cool girls take breaks.

Yet, most of us don’t—not because we lack insight, but because we lack power. Our jobs hold our healthcare, our income, our stability. Work has become boundaryless, enabled by technology and cultures that reward constant availability. It’s easy to ask workers to just set clear boundaries, but the research shows that boundary control is shaped first and foremost by workplace cultures, not by individual workers’ assertiveness.  Even when we assert limits, they’re eroded by what researchers call “micro-trespasses”—small, polite violations that add up.  A quick email on a Friday night or a “so sorry to bother you but could you do this one thing” Slack on a vacation.

As psychiatrist Pooja Lakshmin argues, this isn’t just burnout. It’s betrayal. Systems that depend on our depletion and then blame us for it.

And yet, the research is clear about one thing: autonomy changes everything.

Self-determination theory shows that humans thrive when three needs are met: autonomy, competence, and connection. Not grinding. Not self-sacrifice. Choice.

This is what Alyssa reclaimed. She chose her music, her training regimen, and her look.  She bonded with her teammates and fans.  It’s self-determination theory in action, and she earned the gold.  Yeah Alyssa, that is what I’m f*ckin talkin about.

We’ve been taught that rest is a threat to excellence. But it may be the very thing that makes excellence possible.

So, your Downshifting journal prompt is below:

Where in your life do you feel autonomy, competence, and connection?

And where might you allow yourself to want more?

Misc. Musings

The America’s Next Top Model Documentary was a weird, wild watch for somebody who grew up with those toxic beauty standards of the late 90s and early aughts. But Tyra’s final comment, “I’m so glad people are calling me on my shit, and I hope you’ll be glad when they call you on yours,” was giving bad vibes. Tyra, you could say anything, and instead you said “you’re next.” I promise, I’m not.

ICE is still terrorizing the people of Minnesota and elsewhere in the US. Know Your Rights and support where you can.