This Ain’t No Party, This Ain’t No Disco
I’ve been thinking lately about the Talking Heads. My husband and I have a fondness for Naïve Melody, and the phrase “this must be the place” has been popping up unexpectedly. Perhaps more relevant to the current moment though is Life During Wartime; a whimsical, chaotic ditty about a character who is finding his world increasingly violent and unrecognizable, with a fear that the party is over and he “might not ever get home.”
David Byrne likes lamp. IYKYK
My original plan for Downshifting was to offer evidence, ideas and inspiration around a life that could release itself from the viselike grip of hustle culture and pursue quality over quantity. I envisioned biweekly posts where I described a challenging phenomenon, like last issue’s “emotional parkouring”, and then I offered hopeful strategies, like micro-joy, all in the name of slowing down and choosing being over doing.
In the weeks since my inaugural issue, I’m feeling increasingly like the unmoored protagonist in “Life During Wartime”; I’d like to talk to you about slowing down and unwinding internalized capitalism, but “I aint got time for that now.” Our nervous systems are collectively overwhelmed by mass trauma and I have felt, plainly put, stuck.
The work of psychotherapy, particularly in trauma, is to help clients identify stuck points and move past them. We do this in the safety of a strong therapeutic relationship, partly by finding soft spots in the narrative where a reframe might be effective, and harnessing strengths and resources. I’m reminded that the greatest predictor of post-traumatic recovery, and most protective factor against the development of PTSD, is social support and connectedness. Connections to other people and sense of community actively down regulate the nervous system, because we are wired to attach. In this way, connection is both healing and preventative, and is as it happens, a valuable part of downshifting.
It may also save your life.
The “neighborism” occurring in the Twin Cities during the current ICE occupation is nothing short of magnificent. There are people of all backgrounds finding each other on Signal chats and using codenames in public, showing up with whistles, delivering groceries and doing the dangerous but essential work of recording the truth for the public record. The famous psychotherapist Esther Perel describes intimacy as not only personal but civic, and as a “willingness to be implicated in another person’s safety and dignity.” It is the height of connection to stand for your neighbor, and it is exactly what we are wired to do.
My cross-cultural work and my desire to downshift intersect through the lens of liberation psychology; our personal wellness is tied to our collective freedom. Whether it be freedom from internalized capitalism that demands endless “production” or freedom from state terror, our individual wellness is tied to those of our neighbors.
In that spirit, your downshifting journal prompt is below, and you may choose what calls to you:
Ye olde Journal that will Change my Lyfe
To whom do you feel most connected to? What allows you to feel connected to this person?
Is there someone in your community you’d like to know? A neighbor you see in the elevator but never speak to, somebody who is always at the coffee shop when you pop in, a parent you wave to at drop off but don’t really know? Tell us a bit about this person and why you want to know them.
Your downshifting action item is if you choose option 1, share your response with the person you feel connected to. If you choose option 2, challenge yourself to reach out to this person. It could simply be saying hello and offering a smile. We are wired for connection, and we are socialized for individualism.
If I bring us back to the Talking Heads, I’m reminded that the second to last verse of Life During Wartime may be just as relevant as the others:
“You make me shiver, I feel so tender.
We make a pretty good team.
Don’t get exhausted, I’ll do some driving.
You ought to get you some sleep.”
Till next time,
~S
Miscellaneous Musings
I derived a great deal of meaning and connection when I collaborated with my friend and colleague Dr. Cassidy Freitas on this podcast and guide about how to continue parenting during this dark moment: The World Isn’t Okay, and We’re Making PBJs.
My micro joy is often silly and shared, and so my kids and I have been singing this tune by 2Krispii: Dinosaur for President
Support Minnesota with resources and ideas here, and don’t underestimate the value of sending a love note to a Minnesotan. Neighboring is not just on your block, and connections between people existed before borders and nations ever did.